he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
