but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
