He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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