I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
