Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize