I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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