Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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