i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
