I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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