You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
