what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
