Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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