so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
