I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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