I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
