And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
