A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
