I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
