All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
