if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
