We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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