he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What a dumb baby whore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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