shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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