my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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