He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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