How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
