Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
