Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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