i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
