Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
