when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
