omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
