It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
