My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
