PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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