So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
