My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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