Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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