My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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