that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize