Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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