so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
