I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
