i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
