Are we in a gay sports bar?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
