It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
