Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
