At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
