Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
