I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
