I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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