dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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