So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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