I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
