What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
third nipple confirmed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize