she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
