I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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