Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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