I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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