You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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