took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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