plz talk dirty to me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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