I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
nut hugger
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize