I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize