My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
