I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
