You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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