PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Vodka?
Forever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
