im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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