Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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