Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
