is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
