I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
