My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
