i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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