I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
