everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
