I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
