it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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