I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
