Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
