Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
