I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize