and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
